Siri's Dating Advice
by FightinForMyDreams
Summary: In an effort to cure his boredom while in the midst of a World Meeting, America plays with the Siri app on his I-phone. Other countries eventually become intrigued with it. Slight UsUk. Oneshot.


Siri's Dating Advice

"What are you doing, America?" England asked.

The man in question had been talking to his phone throughout the whole world meeting and more often than not, it talked right back. It was something that sort of confounded the Brit, among others, and he wasn't sure what exactly was going on.

America looked up from his new phone long enough to look his former caretaker in the eyes and say,"What's it look like? I'm talking to Siri." America made it sound like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

England scowled at the personification of America as he said,"Don't treat me like I'm ignorant, boy. And who in the hell is Siri?"

France's laugh cut through the air before the Frenchman said,"Is it your girlfriend, perhaps?"

America made a disgusted look. "Hell no. Siri is most definitely not my girlfriend. I don't think she's even technically real." the American man snapped.

"Well, what in the bloody hell is Siri then?" England snapped back.

"Is it some kind of pasta?" Italy suddenly chimed in. It was a rather random question to say the least, but the Italian had pasta on his mind and he figured he'd ask anyways.

"Of course not. Why in the world would I talk to pasta and have it talk back?" America asked confused.

Italy merely shrugged before saying,"Your country has made a lot of weird inventions lately. How was I supposed to know your phone didn't have talking pasta named Siri?" Everyone in the room couldn't help but agree that that was a rather valid explanation.

"I think that defies that laws of a bunch of science stuff." America retorted.

"I think your people could find a way to bipass the laws of science. Lord knows they've done so before. How, though, I am not exactly sure." Germany piped in.

America, in one of his many childish moments, stuck his tongue out at the German man as a young child would have.

The slick-haired blonde merely sighed and tried not to yell at the young nation for being such a child. Germany was used to this sort of behaviour though since he was completely used to dealing with Italy's own similar antics.

But then again, he was used to Italy by now. He wasn't with America. Germany was losing his patience rather quickly and if somebody didn't jump in sooner or later and quite possibly smack American then he'd do it himself.

Thankfully for him, England jumped in and smacked America upside the head.

"Ow! What in the hell was that for?" America asked. If he had had his old phone then he would have chucked it at the man with big eyebrows. Since it was a nokia it probably would have done some pretty good damage.

"Just tell us what this stupid Siri is already. And give us a straight answer or I'll hit you again." England snapped.

America huffed in annoyance but explained anyways. "Siri is like this little voice activated person thingy that is a special feature on certain Apple I-phones. You press a button, give her a command or a question, and she'll do pretty much whatever you want." the man explained.

Everybody, thankfully, understood that explanation. It wasn't a very good one, but they could at least understand the concept America was trying to explain to them.

"Well, that certainly is interesting." England commented.

"Yeah. Sure is. Any of you guys want to ask her any questions?" America asked while shoving his phone to the middle of the table.

No one moved to take it for a few split seconds before Francis motioned to grab it.

He took the small device into his hands and cradled it in his palm as he studied the phone with rising curiousity. "So I just ask a question?" Francis asked with uncertainty.

"Yep yep. Ask away." America said.

France smirked deviously for a brief second before asking,"Where can I find the nearest strip club?" Everyone wasn't exactly surprised France would ask something like that, but it was safe to say that they were still a bit shocked.

"_I have found one strip club." _Siri said before displaying the directions for finding the place.

France laughed before saying,"I might have to be one of these phones with Siri. She is very useful." France was about to ask Siri something else but the phone was soon snatched away by Italy.

The Italian pressed the little button and waited for Siri to acknowledge he did so before saying,"Where can I find pasta?"

It was a typical question for Italy. No one really expected any less from the childish man.

"_I have found five restaurants that serve pasta._" Siri said before listing the various addresses of the places that served Italy's precious pasta.

"I love Siri!" Italy yelled happily.

Not wanting to hog the newly beloved device, Italy held the phone out in his hand and let anyone take it if they wanted to.

America, wanting to show everyone how weird some of the answers from Siri could be, snatched the small device out of the Italian man's hand.

"Hey, Siri? I just killed someone and I need to hide the body. Any ideas?" America asked. Everyone looked at the man with horrified expressions. Where in the world had that come from?

While America's statement and question had come as a shock, what was even more surprising though was the answer Siri gave back.

"_I have found one city dump_." Siri said before listing the address of one of the city's many city dumps.

The room went completely silent after they heard Siri's words. That was most definitely not what they expected. While some of them may have found it rather useful, others found it rather morbidly horrifying.

"What in the bloody hell did that technological witch from hell just say?" England asked.

America laughed like it was the funniest thing ever before explaining,"Siri has some _really _funny answers for stuff."

"What else have you asked her that is weird?" Francis inquired.

America smiled one of his signature smiles and said,"Hey Siri? Where can I find a husband?" The question was shocking, to say the least, but everyone was more curious about what the answer would be.

"_I have found three places._" Siri said. America made sure Siri displayed the three things he wanted before showing the screen to everyone else.

England took the phone first and read aloud,"The Golden Flower, Holiday Inn, and Golden Corral? I know for sure that Holiday Inn is some sort of hotel franchise while Golden Corral is a restaraunt found around your country. But what is The Golden Flower?"

America had to think for a split second before saying,"It's the name of a bar."

The whole room went completely silent once again before France suddenly burst out laughing. The man was starting to laugh so hard that the others were starting to think he had finally lost it.

After France was able to regain his composure, the French nation explained,"Do you guys not see what I see with that? Oh, come on! I know you are all prudes compared to me, but even you guys have to find that funny."

Everyone looked at the man confused. "What in the bloody hell are you talking about, Frog?" England quipped.

"Well, first you meet. Then you sleep. Then you eat. You understand?" France asked.

America seemed to be the only one in the group that really understood what France had just said. The man couldn't help but laugh until it started to hurt.

"I don't get it." England snapped in irritation. Nearly everyone else found themselves in agreement with the Brit.

"Oh, dude! I want to explain!" the American stopped laughing long enough to say. France happily let the man explain.

"Ok. First, two people _meet _at a _bar_. In this case, it's The Golden Flower. Secondly, they go to the Holiday Inn. To do what, might you ask? Have sex of course. After sleeping, they go out to _eat_. Hence them going to Golden Corral. Get it yet?" America asked.

Oh yeah. They definitely understood now. While some found it rather weird and just plain old disgusting, others found it absolutely hilarious like America had.

"Everyone has to admit that that was kinda funny." Italy said.

Germany shook his head. "No it wasn't. I find it to be indecent and something that shouldn't be discussed while in the midst of a meeting." Germany snapped.

"Normally I would agree you with completely, but one thing has me curious now." England said while studying America with growing interest.

France raised one of his blonde eyebrows before saying,"Oh? What is it?"

England shot a smirk in America's direction, which made the man feel a bit unnerved, before saying,"America here just displayed some examples of some funny answers Siri gave him. The dead body thing was probably something he said out of complete boredom. But what struck me as strange is that he asked Siri to find him a husband. Where did that come from?"

A dark shade of red immediately painted itself across America's face.

The man started to sputter slightly in embarrassment and when it seemed like he couldn't get anything out, he stopped his attempts.

He wasn't really sure as to what he was supposed to say to that. He really hated himself for even bringing his phone to the meeting at all and even showing Siri off. His plan to look awesome had completely backfired.

It was a well known fact that a select few nations were openly gay, but America had never bothered to state his own homosexuality.

Now that his moment to say it, he wasn't really sure he could do so. He felt embarrassed now. For what, he wasn't exactly sure. He didn't want to be afraid or even embarrassed. He felt no reason for himself to feel either of those two emotions.

America was yanked out of his thoughts though as France wrapped one of his lanky arms around his shoulder and pull him to the Frenchman's side.

"I think your hesitation is answer enough. Big brother can't help but express his great joy at actually having a chance with you." France said before the man's hand ventured down America's back.

England came to his former charge's rescue though and yanked the man out of his rival's grip.

"Leave the lad alone. If he's gay then he's gay. That doesn't mean he wants to be with you. Now lay off." England barked.

America was embarrassed at having this sort of attention directed on him, but he couldn't help but be a tad thankful. He liked France as a big brother of sorts, but not the way the man probably wanted to be. Thankfully his other 'brother' was able to save his butt.

America was even more thankful to have the rest of the meeting go on without anymore fuss.

He'd normally have a problem with this since he sort of enjoyed watching and even joining in bickering with the other nations. He liked this silence though. There was less of a chance of someone bringing up the earlier scene.

But he supposed it was a good thing though. His little secret was out there and done with so he no longer had to worry about it being found out.

America stayed immersed in his inner thoughts for so long that it wasn't until the end of the meeting that he focused on what was happening in reality.

By the time he had snapped out of his thoughts, the majority of the other nations had left the room.

America was about to get up himself but was stopped momentarily when he felt the presence of someone come up behing him.

The American slowly craned his head to the side to find none other than England standing over his shoulder. The man was a bit startled at finding England at such a close proximity. It was rather unsettling, but America couldn't say he was all that surprised.

England often fretted over him like a mother would and so he figured that was what his former caretaker was there to do.

America was about to start exp;aining that he was fine and all that, but was cut off by England. What came out of the Brit's mouth next completely through the American off.

"Feel like going to a bar?"


End file.
